Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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