my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
