Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
