Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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