I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
