it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Shame - the story of my life.
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