life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
