Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
