I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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