Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have aggressive nipples.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
