I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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