I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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