Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
