Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
