I accidentally burped into my bong.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
