i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize