Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He passed out mid-signature
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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