Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
