question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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