Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
