the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
