In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
