Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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