Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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