but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
