Fuck appropriateness.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
