Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
