what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girls should come with a carfax report
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
