dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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