Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
