I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just cropdusted the office
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
