I CAN MOONWALK!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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