I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
