Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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