I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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