how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
