If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
