The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
