Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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