Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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