who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
