haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
