STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
