i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
