I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Damn victory sex feels great
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
