remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
