I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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