It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
