Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
