just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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