last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
