So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
