i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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