my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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