Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
