We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
