You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
