my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
