Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
