Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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