maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm passing your future prison.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
