i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think your dad took our porno
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
