I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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